Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
