My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
