The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
