dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
