would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
