I just threw up on my dentist
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
