take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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