I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
