Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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