My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize