I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
should my penis look like a turkey
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
