yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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