Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
