Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
