I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
well you can't waste a boner
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
