Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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