so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
being pregnant is like rehab
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
