someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
