ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
