I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
