im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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