a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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