And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
