Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
