we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
