Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
