my mouth tastes like poor choices
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
