All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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