was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
