I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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