OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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