I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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