Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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