I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
