He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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