before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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