I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
