Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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