Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
