I just pynch a tree in the face
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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