You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
