You can't motorboat a personality
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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