i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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