I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
