last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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