so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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