I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
