I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
