pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
