Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize