Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
