Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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