Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize