Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
