This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I need moral support for this bender
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
