Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
