He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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