Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just had sex on a roof
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
