you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
