He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
