just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
