belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
