What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i dont even know how to be here
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
