butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
