I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
