why didn't you poke me back
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
